sugarbaby in the real world-myworld

why do i find this hard to write?...i feel anxiety over me at the moment and i cant say why....alot of things going around my head,,,i will be writing this in parts and i dont know the length of each but i write as i remember and as things pop up of past events in my life...anyway no one in particular should be said here that may be in some way be known to anyone who may come across my blogs so i might as well be truthful in what i write just like my past blogs....

if i start it with now and work it down or maybe not....

the real world means a lot of  good times,bad times and mix ups :)

i am with someone and i adore him to bits and we've been together for a while,he is romatic,he makes me feel good about myself and actually he stabilized my ways of thinking and sorted a lot of uncertainty in me...
i ahve been very independent since i had a child at such a young age and he is doing well infact too well he surpise me!!! i had to be an adult really early so i had to make sure i will provide,,,in my culture i had to marry and i took all the responsibility seriously,,,but i dodnt know i woould do it alone!!!!

left my country and had to be strong for me and him,,,

now i am here.

this is where my new life started.

i think i grew up in london,because this is where i basically lived my life as an adult,but i worked a lot never partied as much others have and too straight for my own good!!!
this is where i learned a lot of hard lessons as well that i think i would never have learned if i stayed in mycountry.
first never ever go to another persons home without being invited-even if its your brothers! lol
second never assume someone loves you even if you thought they did unless they say so! lol
third mind your own business! lol
fourth never tell a lie if you cant cover it and not good at it in the first place! lol
fifth never judge anyone!they have their own reasons..
sixth always be patient even if its killing you and expect the worse all the time! lol
seventh always work hard in everything and make sure do your best even if it gets too much sometimes..
eigth learn to love yourself even if others do not!
ninth always be respectful,greatful and humble with what you have and what you dont have...
tenth there is a GOD watching over me even if i feel that i am alone sometimes...

but the best thing i will never change is...to love like tomorrow is never going to happen anymore and to keep hoping that everything will be ok,inspite of...:)))))

well theres always a hard bargain to be happy i think,one reason why i ended up being a sugar baby..
but i learned that a lot of us are not exactly bad people only in bad situations that differ..

most of us are very well educated,i read some blogs and i am amazed that a lot of girls around the world are in the same arrangemnts as i am now...

my life has been a great adventure and alot of people touched my life in different ways and i am still looking forward for those i will yet to meet in future.

sometimes i am cycling,walking or doing something and i come across some stuff that reminds me of what i had or what i did in the past.
before i met mr f (fiancee) i worked  lot and had a lot of friends and most of us are single,ell thats because we spend our time working and dancing.dont get me wrong those friends male and female are all beautiful people and there were times we thought,omg whats wrong with us???? why ant we find the right person(male,female)??? well withme i dated but never really seriouse with anyone as i thought none of them were men that would actually be there in 10 yrs time!!!
until me and bestfriend in that group realized its becasue we trained a lot we never really met other people,so we did!!!
met guy at a party and he asked me out he was french on hols and he actually came back for me!! but in the end i just thought its not fair and we should just stay friends so he went back to paris alone.but we are still friends and he is so fond of me before we actually ended being good friends,while his friend dated my bestfriend in the group he moved now to london and they live happily ever after!!!
i dated an italian guy who was a model,oh man he was such a stud but unfortunately he was also a coocoo mad as a bat he once sent a cab to my place at 3 am and demanded i got on it !!!! well i know he might be too keen to see me but i appreciate if he told me first!!!bloody hell.i said no and he hung up,i went back to sleep and woke up at 7 am him ringing me grovelling that he was upset he upset me!well maybe if he left me to sleep i would have dated him longer!!lol

oh i remember this kiwi guy,he was basically my neighbor he lived on the other end of where i lived he was cool we hang out a lot and he was sweet but i realized he was a friend rather than a bf for me.

then i met him,mr f  when he was in london that time he kept in touch and eventually asked me out,but the prob is he is not based here he was based on the southcoast he invited me to a weekend and one thing led to another and asked me if i would wna tto be his wifey :)
cut he long story short,i said yes,moved there and lived there...the home was a manor house in 12 acres of land,with a lake go back there one weekend from a trip to london and was surprised to see stables built for horses-the only prob was i dont own a horse or ride a horse!!! so he said no prob we ask the che who has a friend who can teach me to ride,but i said no,so i have outfit but not to ride!!!haha
you think its fairy tale isnt it? yes it is because it didnt end happily ever after...
mr f got unwell sold the estate and we moved back to london,i went bak to work and he managed a place but still did not get better hence me ending up where i am now...
BUT i dont regret things or going back to work,i am not afraid to do what i did before except now there is the fiacial side for me to look at thats where sugar came in the pic...:)

none of anyone i know knows i am a sugarbaby but i am not ashamed to be one specially now...i have my own reasons but hurting someone is not one of them though so i know i got to be very careful in everything..

i dont know how i can carry on with it or until when it will be,maybe my sd wont be too understanding one day and i find he wants to move on then i would know what i will do next or events in my life may change and i would have to end it?all i know is life is never too easy for some and whn it rained i was one of those who caught a lot of it!!!!

but what he hell??!!! i spend my life worrying all the time and i wna tto change that there are consequences i know but i am willing to face them head on like everything else :)

contemplating...thoughts of a new sugarbaby

thinking,wondering how it all started...terrible past year,cant believe how terrible it became i dont know how it began...found myselpf reading a mag couple of months back,about this site and forgot about it actually until out of curiosity checked it out online,sugardaddy site.is it true what was said about these men?or is it just all something made up? hmmm profile,written what i thought was me,i hope i dont bore men to death reading it!! august came 3 days after i done it got some response,some really weird some ridiculous but one really cute photo of a man laid in bed with the most gorgeous blue eyes...he sent me a msg too asking if he can help?replied.got a response,asked me out to this dinner...think,think.yeah why not?checked the site of the resto,hmmm i like it,reply to him for the thursday.
got a reply of time of met up he said tiem for a romantic walk to the resto...sounds good :D
thurs came rushing around as i need to go travelling early fri morn... got my emerald green dress on,got to station early,waited,nervously!!!went up to the exit,oh there he was,i saw him straight away oh crickey,he is holding a single rose!!!!went straight behind where he stood,dont know what to do!! shit.
pouring out with rain outside,hmmm. finally he went to me we greeted eah other oh and that rose was sooo sweet.went out got so soaked laughing all the way too the resto,what a way to start a first date!!lol
cocktails,chat waited long for our table,he was asking me questions and asked him some,i was looking at him while he talked,omg,he is attractive aha.surprised myself by kissing him!!!!!that led me to this saturday of a tryst at the hotel,and so now made me officially as of yesterday officially a sugarbaby of a gorgeous sugardaddy.ok hold on,he is not exactly old,40.babyface and strong in bed!!